I’m a little unsure of putting myself out here like this, but I’ve learned that taking risks and being out of your comfort zone are what differentiates the boys from the men, the girls from the women, the couch potato from the athlete.  So here it goes.  I have gained weight!!!  I have been in huge denial and finally today, IT HAPPENED!  I faced the music and somehow feel like I’m back.  I’m in control.  Little things have happened and I just chose to ignore them.  I noticed my shirts weren’t fitting as nicely, it wasn’t as easy to cross my legs, and the final kicker happened yesterday.  My pants were so tight they were uncomfortable.  I haven’t had to wear too tight pants in over 2 years and let me tell you, I don’t plan on that happening again.  I don’t like how it made me look on the outside or how it made me feel on the inside.

So how did this happen, you might ask.  I work out religiously 6 days a week.  I run no less than 7 miles 4 times a week and do strength training the other 2 days.  All I have to say about that is THANK GOODNESS!  Can you imagine where I would be right now had it not been for all that exercise?  I know exactly how this happened.  I stopped journaling and measuring my food.  It’s such a pain in the butt, isn’t it?  I thought I could just eyeball it.  But then ever so slowly, those nasty old habits started to creep back into my life.  I stopped measuring, then I swapped my lower fat snacks for tostidos and my kids’ chex mix.  I would use the excuse that I work out, I can eat this.  I’m just trying to maintain, so I can be a little slack.  Wrong!  Now I find myself having to lose again.

I’ve also been really just mentally beating myself up.  A few of my friends have been doing so well with their weight loss journeys and say that I helped to inspire them.  While I’ve been so proud of them and happy for them, I can’t help but feel like a hypocrite.  How did I go from inspirational to the one wishing I could find that same inspiration?  I think everyone needs to have something happen in their life to decide, “NO MORE”, be it big or small.  Mine happened last night with those damn tight pants.  That was the turning point for me.

I woke up this morning, found one of my kid’s notebooks that had a few blank pages in the back, and made a homemade journal to write down all my food.  I measured my breakfast and lunch (and was quite surprised to see just how much I’d been over estimating).  I also *sigh* weighed myself.  Let me just say that was a huge eye-opening experience.  But I’m not going to let that get me down because I will NOT stay at that number for long.  I wrote my weight down on a piece of paper and taped it to the bathroom wall for all my family to see!  My new goal is to lose 15 pounds.  That is so doable.  If I can lose 80, I can certainly lose 15.  And I think what is so cool about this is that I started it today, a Tuesday.  That’s how I know I’m serious. I didn’t say, ok, I will start Monday.  No, it stopped right here, right now.  So, every Tuesday, if there is anyone that even reads this, I will post how I’m doing and if there is any weight loss.

I ended my day with two words ringing in my head.

EMPOWERED

ACCOMPLISHED

I wish I could understand the psychology behind the mental part of this game.  Why do I fight these feelings of empowerment, accomplishment, and control?  Is it just because it takes a little effort?  I don’t know.  Because the rewards for taking this on really outweigh anything else.